In the words of Arkwright (Ronnie Barker – Open All Hours) ‘it’s been a funny old week’.
I resigned from my job. Something I thought I would never do. I realise now it was not an impulse reaction, in fact the complete opposite. My subconscious had been leading me to this specific crossroads for a long time. Why did I do it? Simple, it was a case of the straw that broke the camel’s back. Lots of things had happened for a prolonged period and well one day last week I figured bikini waxing a small chimpanzee was probably more appealing than what I was doing there and then. So I decided I was off. Going. Leaving.
I must admit I did feel a little like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Shouting ‘FREEDOM’ was very much on my mind as I made my way to the bosses office. I may well have recently discovered that I do have Scottish blood, but this was not the time to show my employers my inner William Wallace. So I shied away from blue face paint and approaches on horseback brandishing sharp implements. I pitched a polite and pleasant letter instead. Job done!
Despite taking a leap the size of a small continent with my professional life and as a result my financial one, I am yet to feel truly stressed. Well unless you include me seeing the new Irregular Choice collection and knowing that I cannot buy any of them. Right now it feels like a fate worse than death. It is incredibly daunting. Shoe cold turkey could lead to all sorts of weird behaviour. The little shit (husband) has been warned and is already armed with a long, hand written letter to Santa from me complete with pictures, product descriptions, required sizes and barcodes. I have never written to Santa in my life so I made an emergency, heavily delayed, New Year’s resolution to do so from now on.
Despite this shoeless terror being a total nightmare it wins every time. Who wants to shovel someone else’s shit and get no thanks for it. Even if you can afford fabulous shoes while you do it.
I am nervous. Fear of failing miserably is keeping me awake I will not lie. But I figure that’s a good thing. It will drive me to success. It will hopefully make me come across as a humble and pleasant human being to potential clients. Arrogance, over confidence whatever you want to call it, is never an appealing trait in a human even if it’s been earned. Nobody wants a J-Lo, but they will welcome Jenny from the block in a pair of fabulous shoes, even if they are last seasons.
I will be freelancing for my future paychecks. Working for oneself. Being my own boss or bitch when the going gets tough. Graphic design of any and every format will be my area. Who knows maybe even some writing if I can manage to get a lucky break and people think that what I write is not total garbage or the musings of a complete mad woman!
But would the latter be a bad thing? Madness sells right? I mean just look at Lady Gaga. The woman who once wore a dress made entirely of fresh, uncooked meat has released an album with a true singing legend, Tony Bennett. The god of jazz sings with the fruit loop of pop. I figure there might be hope for me after all!
So off I go on a journey to pastures new. It will be challenging. I also acknowledge that at times I will think it has all been a huge mistake. That leaving my nice, warm, secure job with more speed than that of the captain leaving the shipwrecked Costa Concordia was not necessarily the best thing to do. But life’s for living not for cruising along smoothly(pardon the pun). When I am old, grey, fat and in possession of a very hairy chin spending my days knitting in a smelly nursing home, the smell being my own body odour. Will I regret taking a chance and failing or not trying at all? The answer is obvious and it is not the latter.
Bette Midler once said “Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.” Or as I like to say “Conquer the world, or the freelance design equivalent of the North West of England, and the girl can buy any pair of shoes she damn well likes.” Here’s hoping!